Monday, December 31, 2012

LoVe is Here


That is the total number of blog posts that I have had so far this year.  57 if you include this one.  Which means I successfully met my 2012 New Year's resolution!!  Can it be so??  Did I not only meet, but exceed my goal of one post a week for the year??  Yep, it is true.   It's because I'm so awesome I guess ;).

I started writing Snips & Snails in January of this year.  My goal was to record some of our family memories from the year, funny things that the boys said/did, and maybe fit a little bit of humor in here and there.  I mainly wanted to be able to have a record of some of our memories since my memory (which I was once so proud of) is failing me a bit lately.  Aren't I too young for that??

I would say that I have done a fairly good job at achieving my original goal for my blog.  And I have really quite enjoyed writing it, too.  And I have found that writing about our family each week has taught me to be a more reflective parent.  As I would think back through the events of each week before choosing what to post about, there were many times where I felt like I deserved a nice pat on the back for a job well done in my parenting skills.  Often though, I would look back on things that I said/did/did not do with regret and think, "Man, I really should have done that differently."  Unfortunately there are no take-backs or re-dos in parenting. 

Lucky for me, my boys love me even when I don't deserve the "Mom the the Year" award.  I have learned that even when I mess up, they love me just the same.  And I feel pretty certain that they know that I love them even when they mess up, too.  (Okay, maybe Liam doesn't quite get the gist of it yet, but he will.)

Being the Momma to these two amazing boys has taught me a lot about love this year.  And even though I know that they love me now matter what, I want them to feel, and see, and hear the love more often.  That's what I'm talking about when I said I'm learning.  I'm learning that they don't feel the love when Mommy brushes them off because she's too busy with something else.  They don't see the love in my face when my patience has worn too thin.  And they don't hear the love in my sarcasm or my tone when I'm frustrated.  But that doesn't mean the love isn't there, because it is.

Love is here.  Love is in our home.  Love is in this family, through and through.

Love is pulling Chan into bed with us when wakes up because we know that one day we won't hear those tiny feet coming into our bedroom in the middle of the night.  Love is rocking Liam to sleep every single night because these days will soon be gone.  Love was holding Chan's hand and wiping tears away at the doctor when he knew shots were coming, and telling him that I wish I could take them for him (and really meaning it).  Love was sleeping curled up tight in a hospital crib with Liam so he wouldn't wake up scared in the night.   Love was smiling and telling Chan what a big boy he was and how much fun he was going to have at school,  even though I wanted to bring him back home and keep him a baby for one more year.  Love is relishing the time spent with Liam while I am at home.  Love is present every part of every day with these boys; the good and bad times, the easy and challenging times, the fun and not-so-fun times.  

So, my resolution for this year??  I plan to read more.   I am NOT going to resolve to be a better Mommy.  Because here is the thing: I do the best I can every day.  And I know that I always will.  I don't always get it right and I probably never will, but I am trying and I am learning from my mistakes the best that I can.  And my boys know every single night that their Mommy loves them to the moon and back...over and over again.

And isn't that the most important thing?

"Be everything with so much love in your heart 
that you would never want to do it any other way."
~Amrit Desai~

Till next year friends!
Brittany :)

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