Don't get me wrong; I love my KinderKids. And I love teaching. And I love learning! And I love everything about being in a school building; the sounds of the kids walking to class, the smell of crayons and glue mixed with the aroma of the ever present coffee supplying caffeine to the teachers, the artwork adorning the walls that varies in degree of ability and semblance. I love the fact that I get to spend my day teaching, learning, laughing, and (all to often) making a fool of myself with my kiddos in our classroom, while I also get to spend a few minutes each day chatting, planning, laughing, and swapping stories with some of the most fabulous friends and co-workers. But, I'm in a rut nonetheless. And here's why:
Yep. There they are again...the world's two cutest boys. And one of the reasons for my rut! (We won't get into the other reason right now, that's a whole 'nother blog post.) But seriously, look at these kids! Who wouldn't want to spend every second of every day with these two??? I will always be a full-time mommy, but I've had the itch here lately to just be a full-time mommy. And having an out-of-the-house, full-time job on top of it is starting to drain this Momma. (Okay, who am I kidding?? I think my other teacher friends can vouch for me when I say being a teacher is like having two full-time jobs in itself; that one during the day when we actually teach, and then that one that we have on our "nights, weekends, & summers off" in which we plan, prepare, research, professionally develop ourselves, grade, create, cut, copy, paste, laminate, formulate, call, email, type, clean, shop, organize, re-organize, decorate........)
But, then I get a twinge of Mommy guilt just thinking of it. Strange, huh? Guilt that I would consider leaving a full-time job to stay at home with my two kids?? But, yes...because as hard as it is for me to believe, Chandler will be going to kindergarten next year. (WHAT??!! How is that even possible??) And I didn't take off work when he was a baby, so why do I need to do that now? What would he think???...Or would he enjoy the less stressed, more patient Momma who always has time to share? Time to help with homework, or volunteer in his classroom, or go on field trips with his class? Hmmm...
But, then I get a little teacher guilt, too. Possibly not being available to teach and learn with some up and coming KinderKids?? Perish the thought! Teaching is part of who I am and something that I've wanted to do since I was five years old!
I'm not sure what it is, but I see a change on my horizon, and I've felt it coming for a while now. I've thought about it, talked about, and prayed about it, but I just don't know my new direction yet.
I came across this little bit of food for thought this week on Pinterest. Funny how that happened...
~Unknown~ Till next week, friends! Brittany :)
P.S.- If you're the praying kind, feel free to send up a few for me on this matter! P.P.S.- The boys' amazing monster hats are courtesy of my friend Joni Thompson. Check out these hats and much more on her Facebook page, Lobey Dell Accessories.
But, then I get a twinge of Mommy guilt just thinking of it. Strange, huh? Guilt that I would consider leaving a full-time job to stay at home with my two kids?? But, yes...because as hard as it is for me to believe, Chandler will be going to kindergarten next year. (WHAT??!! How is that even possible??) And I didn't take off work when he was a baby, so why do I need to do that now? What would he think???...Or would he enjoy the less stressed, more patient Momma who always has time to share? Time to help with homework, or volunteer in his classroom, or go on field trips with his class? Hmmm...
But, then I get a little teacher guilt, too. Possibly not being available to teach and learn with some up and coming KinderKids?? Perish the thought! Teaching is part of who I am and something that I've wanted to do since I was five years old!
I'm not sure what it is, but I see a change on my horizon, and I've felt it coming for a while now. I've thought about it, talked about, and prayed about it, but I just don't know my new direction yet.
I came across this little bit of food for thought this week on Pinterest. Funny how that happened...
"Once she stopped rushing through life
she was amazed how much more life she had time for."
This is a huge decision, and one that only you can decide. I feel you on so many levels, and I am praying for you and this elephant in the room!!
ReplyDeleteThanks, friend! I kind of would also love to have coffee with my stay-at-home neighbor :)
DeletePros and cons to both staying at home and working. As a full time stay at home mom, I often think of how I could work part time or something just to have a little time to get out and be on my own. Then, when I actually think about it, at this point in my life, no way I could do it. I am fully dependent on my kids and I am perfectly okay with this at this junction in life. I struggle all the time with feeling like I don't do anything but raise Gavin (and any day now Linley), but that couldn't be further from the truth. Being a stay at home mom does leave more time for me to take care of our house and family which in turn leaves more time for my husband and I that is not consumed by trips to the grocery and places like that. I think that at some point I will want to work... I do have a Master's Degree after all and would like to use it for more than watching the mickey mouse clubhouse. I really don't know though. My thought is that if you can afford to do it, being home with your kids the first few years is worth it to me. It's a sacrifice on many levels and not as easy as many would think, but there are so many wonderful things that can come from it for not only you and the kids but for your marriage and family. With all of this said now, I believe that most people don't love their jobs like you seem to. That is rare today and you are blessed to have known what you wanted to do for so long and have been able to follow that dream and turn it into a reality. I can't imagine walking away from a job you love, but to walk towards something else you love even more might make it easier. Lots to consider. I will pray for you guys while you try to navigate this. You'll figure out what is right for your family.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Tracey...I know for certain that I wouldn't ever look back and regret the decision to stay home for awhile, but it is still a hard call to make right now for several reasons. Will continue to pray for answers.
DeleteThat's all you can do is pray. God will lead you in the direction He has for your life. Whether it be at home with your babies or at school with your Kinderkids. Listen to your heart because that's where God's answer will be!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Angela! Sweeties like yours are what makes this such a toughie :)
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